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Local entrepreneurs, ever seeking a way to carve out a living in the area, may wish to consider a business that would face no competition -- at least for now. It would also provide an opportunity to label the business with a clever, catchy name.
Given the ample secluded areas surrounding our town, a business catering to uninhibited outdoorsy folk just might be a big hit. Imagine a sylvan nudist retreat far from the traveled paths but yet accessible to Ely’s services.
It would obviously have to be named “The North American Bare Center.”
It would bring in clients interested in uncovering in the pristine ambience of our nearby forests and spending money in town (while clothed, certainly). But it would also spur the sales of telescopes and camera-drones.
There are two big marketing problems, of course -- January and mosquitos. And those two irritable obstacles might be exactly why investors have evaluated and dismissed this idea. Thus the absence of such an attraction here.
So maybe bare doesn’t work here. Then how about bears?
Consider this latest restriction on visits to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area that the USFS has issued: “Food, garbage and other scented items (such as toothpaste and soap), must be suspended at least 12 feet above the ground and six feet away from the trunks of trees, or stored in an Interagency Grizzly Bear Committee certified bear-resistant canister.”
I don’t know what a Grizzly Bear Committee certified bear-resistant canister is, let alone where I could acquire one. Not to mention schlepping one across rods of rocky portages from one primitive campsite to the next.
That device aside, let’s look ahead at what the rest of the rule may result in. Start with the 12 foot specification. Does this mean that the bottom of the suspended pack must be at least twelve feet off the ground? If so, given a normal pack hanging from its straps and tugging the suspension line down at the point of attachment, I’ll estimate that that line will have to be tied somewhere in the high teens in the tree.
OK, how are you going to get it knotted up there? Sure, tie your line to a rock if that’s allowed, or to a camp tool like a hatchet and toss it over the branch that is conveniently just high enough to meet the spec. Do it again at the other end tree. Be sure to have enough BenGay along to soothe the shoulder of your throwing arm ‘cause you won’t make two perfect throws. Oh, and keep your camping partner out of the line of fire.
Some less athletic or less patient or less accurate throwers will inevitably give up. What are they to do to avoid the risk of a six-month jail sentence and a $5,000 fine? (yes, no kidding) Well, of course they will attempt to climb the trees. Some will fall. Some bones will be broken, and some airlifting will be required to get the victim to the Bloomenson ER.
The Friends of the Boundary Waters called the rule “Draconian” because of the penalty. And we can stipulate that that group is expert about Draconian rules in the BWCA.
I think the rule is nearly as silly as an idea aired on the WELY Fishing Contest Program from Fisherman’s Headquarters in the mid 60s. It was suggested campers wrap a strip or two of bacon around an aerosol insect repellent can. You can picture Yogi being a bit upset with that trap when the bacon turned to rapidly expanding gas propelling shards of metal.
Considering the Wallenda-like deterrent required in this latest BWCA rule, I wonder how many prospective campers will think that the bear menace must be so severe in the BWCA that they choose a picnic in a Hennepin County park instead.
As to the Bare Center, that might be a safer outing after all there are no mosquitos in January.
Doug Luthanen grew up in Ely and graduated from Memorial High School in 1967. He wrote a weekly viewpoint column for the Northwest Arkansas Times for four years and is an occasional contributor to The Ely Echo.
